Thursday, November 12, 2009 @ 4:10 AM
i just wanna walk straight and not bother about whatis going on around me .
i can't seem to talk sense right now . so many things are bothering my mind . if you think i'm at fault then i won't argue . i only care for you as a friend . if you're having problems , why don't you share it with me ? i thot we're like sisters to each other . i may nort know what you're going through right now but does it mean that you can change ? does changing even make your problems lighten a little ? neh , i don't think so . when i closed my eyes , the past memories makes me cry . did i accidentally went wrong somewhere ? i really don't know . now , my heart is sinking deeply . i really don't know what to do . i feel like going far far away where i get some peace . seriously , i'm kinda fucked up . my body is feeling so weak . i just wish i could make things better . well , maybe i ain't a good friend after all . if i've hurt you then i'm sorry . yeah , i shouldn't have said a thing about the way you dress or whatsoever because it's your life . you live it , nort me . i guess i can't say anything much because we don't get along anymore . maybe it's my fault . maybe i did something wrong without noticing it . but honestly , i miss the old you . those laughter and joy that we shared , i kinda miss those moments . i wasn't trying to control you at all . if you think i am then i'm really sorry .
lily , i don't know what's wrong with you these few days . your actions makes me feel kinda guilty . i know you hate him but is it wrong for me to be friends with him ? i don't understand , i simply don't . why look at him just by his appearance ? i'm nort siding him but it's the fact . try putting yourself in his shoes , what would you feel if someone says that he/she doesn't see a good person in you ? you don't even know him . you just judge him by his looks . it's nort fair for him , nort at all . you can't even explain why you hate him . what is that suppose to mean anyway ? seriously , it's making my head spinning round and round . i don't know what to do . i can't please everyone . well , if i did something wrong , i'm sorry .
i hate it , i simply do . the past keeps on haunting me . i'm trying hard to move on but it's just too hard . i'm hurting myself , i know that but what can i possibly do ? you're already 3 months with her but me , i'm still stucked at the same spot . you tell me you still love me but at the same time , you also love her . how is it possible ? maybe it is possible but it wouldn't be equal . whenever i look at you , i'll remember the past . the past that makes me feel like everything is so perfect . for a moment , it made me go on a little journey . now , i'm trying to heal my broken heart . taping it with anything i could . but it doesn't seem to help . i'm just clueless .
waiting for pay , going to buy new handphone :D
and next month , i'll be buying a skateboard :)
lily , i don't know what's wrong with you these few days . your actions makes me feel kinda guilty . i know you hate him but is it wrong for me to be friends with him ? i don't understand , i simply don't . why look at him just by his appearance ? i'm nort siding him but it's the fact . try putting yourself in his shoes , what would you feel if someone says that he/she doesn't see a good person in you ? you don't even know him . you just judge him by his looks . it's nort fair for him , nort at all . you can't even explain why you hate him . what is that suppose to mean anyway ? seriously , it's making my head spinning round and round . i don't know what to do . i can't please everyone . well , if i did something wrong , i'm sorry .
i hate it , i simply do . the past keeps on haunting me . i'm trying hard to move on but it's just too hard . i'm hurting myself , i know that but what can i possibly do ? you're already 3 months with her but me , i'm still stucked at the same spot . you tell me you still love me but at the same time , you also love her . how is it possible ? maybe it is possible but it wouldn't be equal . whenever i look at you , i'll remember the past . the past that makes me feel like everything is so perfect . for a moment , it made me go on a little journey . now , i'm trying to heal my broken heart . taping it with anything i could . but it doesn't seem to help . i'm just clueless .
waiting for pay , going to buy new handphone :D
and next month , i'll be buying a skateboard :)
Friday, October 30, 2009 @ 10:09 PM
BBQ at east coast .
at last , farahin uploaded the pichares .
have been waiting for it .
at last , farahin uploaded the pichares .
have been waiting for it .
heen elfenzo .
heen elfenzo and t.m.i .
superfidd .labels : miss all the great fun .
perhaps , it's time to move forward .
Thursday, October 29, 2009 @ 8:57 PM
no longer around me ; it's almost gone .
as i try stepping on a new stone , it seems like something's pulling me back .
i'm nort shure whether it's trying to stop me from moving forward or it wants me to keep holding on .
efforts have been made , lots of it but nothing's changing .
feel like giving up or perhaps , i've already given up .
i gave you my trust .
i treat you as my bestfriend and you're like a sister to me .
i respect you and i respect your decisions .
whenever your mood swings , i just kept quiet because i know you well .
when you don't have the mood , no one can advice you or tell you to do something .
you have a strong will and also you're good at standing up for yourself .
but since the day you joined the dance group , i had this feeling in my heart .
a feeling which tells me that i'm going to lose you .
i never believe it until today .
because i treat you as my bestfriend , i tell you what i feel about you changing .
i don't mind you being angry with me or whatsoever .
but i guess i have the right to voice out .
i'm nort saying that i'm perfect because no one is .
in fact , i'm nowhere near perfect .
you told me that l*** uses words that contradicts herself but what about you ?
i'm nort trying to be sarcastic but i'm just saying the fact .
you can easily tell me that people change .
but when we say about people changing , it usually means changing to become bad .
since it's that way , what if everyone in this world change , who will be good then ?
well , i really don't know what to say .
you've changed alot , inside out .
now , i've given up .
if you think you're right so be it .
i won't say anything .
i won't go against you .
as long as it makes you happy , i'm fine with it .
labels : i miss the old you .
as i try stepping on a new stone , it seems like something's pulling me back .
i'm nort shure whether it's trying to stop me from moving forward or it wants me to keep holding on .
efforts have been made , lots of it but nothing's changing .
feel like giving up or perhaps , i've already given up .
i gave you my trust .
i treat you as my bestfriend and you're like a sister to me .
i respect you and i respect your decisions .
whenever your mood swings , i just kept quiet because i know you well .
when you don't have the mood , no one can advice you or tell you to do something .
you have a strong will and also you're good at standing up for yourself .
but since the day you joined the dance group , i had this feeling in my heart .
a feeling which tells me that i'm going to lose you .
i never believe it until today .
because i treat you as my bestfriend , i tell you what i feel about you changing .
i don't mind you being angry with me or whatsoever .
but i guess i have the right to voice out .
i'm nort saying that i'm perfect because no one is .
in fact , i'm nowhere near perfect .
you told me that l*** uses words that contradicts herself but what about you ?
i'm nort trying to be sarcastic but i'm just saying the fact .
you can easily tell me that people change .
but when we say about people changing , it usually means changing to become bad .
since it's that way , what if everyone in this world change , who will be good then ?
well , i really don't know what to say .
you've changed alot , inside out .
now , i've given up .
if you think you're right so be it .
i won't say anything .
i won't go against you .
as long as it makes you happy , i'm fine with it .
labels : i miss the old you .
Saturday, October 10, 2009 @ 7:50 PM
FEELINGS UNDIVIDED.
Things ain't the same no more . Nothing is left for me to say . It's beyond what i expected . It just happened way too fast . Words are unspoken . Question are left with no answers to it . Trying real hard to cling on but it just keeps pushing me . No words can describe how much i care for you . You told me ; let the past be the past . It's okay , i can accept that . In fact , it makes me feel more relief cause maybe that's the thing that i want to hear from me . Sometimes , my thots make me think . Maybe it's meant to be this way . Maybe it's just nort right for us to continue being friends . But still , i believe that there's a reason to it . I kept believing that things will change . I have hopes on you , just too much hopes that make me so hurt easily . I'm nort jealous of you being with her . Instead i pity you . She doesn't even treat you like you're her boyf . She's entertaining her guy friend but nort you . Is it fair for you ? Well , i don't think so . I know that everybody wants to be happy . Only idiotic people doesn't want to be happy . If possible , everybody want to get what they wish for . But underneath it all , sacrifices have to be made . Sometimes , we have to sacrifice for the people we love but they may nort see it . However , it doesn't mean that they don't appreciate . Maybe they're just too busy to notice it . I'm able to accept the way you treat me . I'm able to accept the fact that you belong to someone else . But i'm just nort able to forget about everything . But i know that i have to sooner or later . I can't get stucked to you forever . If you can be happy , i want to be happy too . I've tried everything that i could do but nothing's working . I can't find any other way except to stay away from your life . I just hope you don't get me wrong . I don't hate you and neither do i have any grudge against you . I just feel that it's the best for both of us . Maybe after my heart is fully healed then i'll get back to you .
; 'N' level is going to be over tmrrw .
planning to go to school for course then after course , go to work .
that'll be almost my daily routine from 14 oct to 23 oct .
after 23 oct , work and work and work .
; hoping for a change in him .
; 'N' level is going to be over tmrrw .
planning to go to school for course then after course , go to work .
that'll be almost my daily routine from 14 oct to 23 oct .
after 23 oct , work and work and work .
; hoping for a change in him .
Wednesday, August 19, 2009 @ 6:24 AM
PENS AND PAPERS .
I don't really care what people thinks or say about me . Maybe i do but certain things , i just can't be bothered . I can be nice but people can't expect me to be nice to everyone right . It's not like i have a choice or something . We started as being friends . I never thought you'll end up having feelings for me . Even if it's just a small feelings , it does matters . When you confessed to me , i couldn't say anything . But how can it be possible for me to be friends with you again when i don't feel comfortable ? I simply don't like it whenever you try to seek attention from me . I may be nice but it doesn't mean i won't hurt you . I guess i have to be straightforward . It's good that i hurt you now then later on . For the time being , i don't feel that there's a need for us to be closed friends .
I just can't express my feelings through words . I can only express it through pens and papers . You may think i'm not serious or whatever shit but seriously , i am . It's going to be one year but still , that feelings is still inside my heart . It just won't go away and i'm wondering why . What more can i say ? Basically , nothing . All i hoped for is a miracle to happen . Now , my mind is full of things . I just don't know what to do . I've expressed my feelings and it's up to you now .I can't force you and i won't pester you either . I don't mind us being friends but if you're going to avoid me then things will start to change for the bad . I don't know whether i should move on or wait for you . Either one , i'll still get hurt . But what if i say i'm not scared ? What if i say i'm much more happier being with you despite all the pain ? I keep on thinking about you and it makes me miss you even more . But how am i suppose to know what's in your heart ? I'm clueless , seriously . I know time is running out but i've tried my best . I'll just have to wait for 13th october and i hope you'll make it .
I don't think i want to regard you as my friend . What does friends means ? Basically , friends should be there when you need them . Friends should bother to ask you whether you're okay or not . Friends should try their best to text you no matter how busy they are . Friends should make you happy almost all the time . Friends should understand what's in your heart . Friends should know whether you're feeling down or whatsoever . Well , you can say that we're friends but the thing is , you're not treating me like one . You say we're just friends because you don't like being too closed because you say like flirt . Up to you laa kan . There's nothing else i can say . I'm tired of trying to convince people . I just can't be bothered .
I don't really care what people thinks or say about me . Maybe i do but certain things , i just can't be bothered . I can be nice but people can't expect me to be nice to everyone right . It's not like i have a choice or something . We started as being friends . I never thought you'll end up having feelings for me . Even if it's just a small feelings , it does matters . When you confessed to me , i couldn't say anything . But how can it be possible for me to be friends with you again when i don't feel comfortable ? I simply don't like it whenever you try to seek attention from me . I may be nice but it doesn't mean i won't hurt you . I guess i have to be straightforward . It's good that i hurt you now then later on . For the time being , i don't feel that there's a need for us to be closed friends .
I just can't express my feelings through words . I can only express it through pens and papers . You may think i'm not serious or whatever shit but seriously , i am . It's going to be one year but still , that feelings is still inside my heart . It just won't go away and i'm wondering why . What more can i say ? Basically , nothing . All i hoped for is a miracle to happen . Now , my mind is full of things . I just don't know what to do . I've expressed my feelings and it's up to you now .I can't force you and i won't pester you either . I don't mind us being friends but if you're going to avoid me then things will start to change for the bad . I don't know whether i should move on or wait for you . Either one , i'll still get hurt . But what if i say i'm not scared ? What if i say i'm much more happier being with you despite all the pain ? I keep on thinking about you and it makes me miss you even more . But how am i suppose to know what's in your heart ? I'm clueless , seriously . I know time is running out but i've tried my best . I'll just have to wait for 13th october and i hope you'll make it .
I don't think i want to regard you as my friend . What does friends means ? Basically , friends should be there when you need them . Friends should bother to ask you whether you're okay or not . Friends should try their best to text you no matter how busy they are . Friends should make you happy almost all the time . Friends should understand what's in your heart . Friends should know whether you're feeling down or whatsoever . Well , you can say that we're friends but the thing is , you're not treating me like one . You say we're just friends because you don't like being too closed because you say like flirt . Up to you laa kan . There's nothing else i can say . I'm tired of trying to convince people . I just can't be bothered .
Maybe it's you all this while .
Saturday, August 15, 2009 @ 6:44 AM
HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY KHAIRIL !
legal age laa seyh . hahaha . well , wish you all the best in everything that you do . smiles (:
childhood memories .Sometimes , i do miss my childhood memories . Times seems to pass by so fast . How i wished i could turn back the time , i'll be very happy . Perhaps if it happens , i'll be able to change certain things . But then , i still love things the way they are now . Except for certain things . I don't like people telling me that they like me or whatsoever cause i don't want to hurt people anymore . I don't want to feel hurt anymore . Well , i know i'm being kinda unfair but i just want to live my life . I don't want to be in a relationship and get myself hurt for nothing , simply nothing . I don't regret for whatever that has happened . What's the point of regretting over things that has happened . It only makes myself feel bad . In fact , i shouldn't be regretting because things happen for a reason . Maybe there's something behind all this . Anw , now i and him are just friends . I'm glad that we can still be friends cause to me , friendships means more than relationship . Well , i've moved on and so , i don't want to think about the past . I just want to continue with my life because there's still a long way to go . All i can do is to be there for him when he needs me . But i'm sure that he'll do just fine .
For the time being , i don't wish to meet someone . Well , i do treat him as a friend but nothing more than that . I don't want to have any misunderstanding between the two of us . And i don't want him to like me cause i don't wish to spoil this friendship . I admit i'm trying my best to avoid him cause i don't want him to be too close to me . I don't want him to have the wrong thinking . I don't have any feelings for him , that's the only thing that i want to make it clear to him . I don't like it when he tries to seek attention from me . I know he'll be reading my blog so i hope he understands if i avoid him .
Currently i miss my bestie . Wondering why he hasn't been replying my msgs . Well , he seems to know everything . I don't why he's so special to me . Only he understands me inside out . He's able to bear with all my craps and nonsense . Having him around makes my day more cheerful and happier . I don't know what he did that made me get glued to him . Seriously , i don't . But i really want to know what's in his heart . Eventhough he's hurt me so much , i'm nort mad at him . Not even a little . Amazing huh . Well , maybe because he's special . I really love this friendship . I don't want to lose him . He really make me happy because he allows me to disturb him . I can even be sarcastic to him .
Somehow , i miss the past . Both friendship and relationship . Things just seem to be different . People started changing . Things started to go wrong . All those memories , sometimes flashes through my mind . Thinking about it , i feel so useless . It's like i'm only able to look at all those things happening but i'm not able to do anything about it . I know that i'm always being too king to people . Even my closest friends said so . But that's me . No matter how much i try to be angry with someone , it can only last for 3 days . Even if i don't talk to him or her for a week or more than that , it's because my heart doesn't want to and not cause i'm angry with him or her . It's a sad thing that only a bunch of people are able to appreciate my kindness instead of taking advantage of it . It makes me feel so weak . I don't think i can bear it if another person comes and take advantage of my kindness . I just don't know why i'm like this . Maybe i'm born to have a heart like this . No wonder Afiq calls me 'kampung girl' cause i'm a nice girl . Well , maybe to him i'm a kampung girl . But i don't know if i'm a kampung girl to the people out there . Different people have their own opinions about me . One thing about me is that i can't stop trusting people . Even if they've never been truthful to me , not even once , i can still continue to believe that person . Well , this is who i am . I believe that everyone deserves a second chance . It doesn't matter how bad or good they were before . It's the things that the person do that makes him or her someone different . Everyone have a heart and a brain . Everyone have their own strength and weaknessess . Nobody is perfect . Thus , we should appreciate a person for who they are .
For the time being , i don't wish to meet someone . Well , i do treat him as a friend but nothing more than that . I don't want to have any misunderstanding between the two of us . And i don't want him to like me cause i don't wish to spoil this friendship . I admit i'm trying my best to avoid him cause i don't want him to be too close to me . I don't want him to have the wrong thinking . I don't have any feelings for him , that's the only thing that i want to make it clear to him . I don't like it when he tries to seek attention from me . I know he'll be reading my blog so i hope he understands if i avoid him .
Currently i miss my bestie . Wondering why he hasn't been replying my msgs . Well , he seems to know everything . I don't why he's so special to me . Only he understands me inside out . He's able to bear with all my craps and nonsense . Having him around makes my day more cheerful and happier . I don't know what he did that made me get glued to him . Seriously , i don't . But i really want to know what's in his heart . Eventhough he's hurt me so much , i'm nort mad at him . Not even a little . Amazing huh . Well , maybe because he's special . I really love this friendship . I don't want to lose him . He really make me happy because he allows me to disturb him . I can even be sarcastic to him .
Somehow , i miss the past . Both friendship and relationship . Things just seem to be different . People started changing . Things started to go wrong . All those memories , sometimes flashes through my mind . Thinking about it , i feel so useless . It's like i'm only able to look at all those things happening but i'm not able to do anything about it . I know that i'm always being too king to people . Even my closest friends said so . But that's me . No matter how much i try to be angry with someone , it can only last for 3 days . Even if i don't talk to him or her for a week or more than that , it's because my heart doesn't want to and not cause i'm angry with him or her . It's a sad thing that only a bunch of people are able to appreciate my kindness instead of taking advantage of it . It makes me feel so weak . I don't think i can bear it if another person comes and take advantage of my kindness . I just don't know why i'm like this . Maybe i'm born to have a heart like this . No wonder Afiq calls me 'kampung girl' cause i'm a nice girl . Well , maybe to him i'm a kampung girl . But i don't know if i'm a kampung girl to the people out there . Different people have their own opinions about me . One thing about me is that i can't stop trusting people . Even if they've never been truthful to me , not even once , i can still continue to believe that person . Well , this is who i am . I believe that everyone deserves a second chance . It doesn't matter how bad or good they were before . It's the things that the person do that makes him or her someone different . Everyone have a heart and a brain . Everyone have their own strength and weaknessess . Nobody is perfect . Thus , we should appreciate a person for who they are .
I miss my bestie .
Wednesday, August 12, 2009 @ 3:33 AM
PAPERHEARTS.
Today had maths paper 2 and history paper.
Maths paper 2 was quite okay , i guess.
But for me, history was abit better because i studied for it.
Well , not really studied laa but i did remember a few factors.
And that helps me to answer one of the essay.
Paper ended at 12.25pm .
Went to mcdonald's and started doing my DNT cause i had to pass it up by today at 4pm.
Afiq was talking nonsense the whole time but i wasn't bothered by him.
I was really concentrating on my DNT.
Dinah was his victim.
She had to entertain all his craps and nonsense.
Tomorrow have DNT paper and it ends at 9.30am .
I don't know what to study for the paper but i hope i can do the paper.
clueless and going dumb .
I've finally awaken from this dream of mine. I couldn't think of any other way but to stop contacting you. But i know that you'll find for me one day. Just on a particular day when you really need me. Perhaps i'm just dreaming. You say that you're jealous when you see me with other guys. Well, so am i. I'm jealous too when i see you with other girls but what can i possibly do. You're not my boyf. You're just a friend of mine, bestfriend i mean. It's sad that we don't seem to get along well anymore. I would get angry or mad. I'll just go with the flow because i'm sick and tired of trying to make things better but people don't seem to appreciate. Instead they blame it on me. Go on, live your life. I'm not going to stop your way. But if you find me being rude to you, don't say so because for the past 2 years, i've been nice to you but you don't seem to appreciate. I just wonder why when i'm being nice, people don't seem to notice but when i'm being harsh or rude, people will tend to notice. I don't want to have any hopes in you anymore because i don't want to get hurt. I just want to live my life and be happy with my loved ones. I want to treasure and cherish every moment before it's gone. I don't want to regret it later on. Now, there's only two things on my mind. To be friends with you or to stay away from you for the time being. Hmm, i really don't know. It seems so hard for me to decide. Maybe i should just go with the flow. Well, time is running out. If i have to make a move , i think i better make it now cause i don't have much time. I won't say that i'm angry or mad at you because truthfully, i'm not. In fact, why should i be mad at you. I guess i just need time to get over my feelings towards you.
Today had maths paper 2 and history paper.
Maths paper 2 was quite okay , i guess.
But for me, history was abit better because i studied for it.
Well , not really studied laa but i did remember a few factors.
And that helps me to answer one of the essay.
Paper ended at 12.25pm .
Went to mcdonald's and started doing my DNT cause i had to pass it up by today at 4pm.
Afiq was talking nonsense the whole time but i wasn't bothered by him.
I was really concentrating on my DNT.
Dinah was his victim.
She had to entertain all his craps and nonsense.
Tomorrow have DNT paper and it ends at 9.30am .
I don't know what to study for the paper but i hope i can do the paper.
clueless and going dumb .
